|IN BRIEF: Most men have been socialised to ejaculate when they get an erection during sexual activity. Failure to ejaculate and to feel orgasm often adds frustration and disappointment to the reality of the physical sensation. Men who believe that they should ejaculate every time they have an erection are likely to exert pressure on their partner to proceed with sex, often without taking her feelings into consideration. |
Some men find that masturbation is a viable solution, and some are realising that ejaculation is not a requirement in every sexual situation. This attitude allows both men and their partners to relax more and to learn that pleasure and meaning can exist without having to reach ejaculation and orgasm during every sexual encounter.
Many women, on the other hand, are raised to "give in" to their partners and not assert their right to say no, regardless of how far the foreplay has come.
Pressurising, manipulating or forcing your partner into having sex against his or her will is like arriving at a wedding you were not invited to, and sitting at the bride's table. The etiquette that we learn socially applies in the bedroom, too.
Women need to learn how to set boundaries that make them feel comfortable, and then stick to them. Shifting the goalposts sexually only leads to confusing signals, and makes it difficult for partners to realise you mean "no" when you say it.
Men, too, need boundaries - especially if they are married or a monogamous relationship. "It didn't mean anything to me" doesn't cut it with an irate wife or lover. If it really didn't mean anything, he would tell the girl flirting with him that he's unavailable.
Men and women should be able to assert their point of view or their feelings about sex with their partners. Good communication will enable both partners to feel satisfied that they are not only participating in a good sexual relationship, but they are being heard and valued, too.